Scattered Things

- I'm excited about being so close to the end of school, but sad about leaving.

- Going home is going to be...I don't know yet. I guess I'll start primarily living there again, which is a nice thought, but at the same time, terrifying. I know it's terrible, but I hope Izzy is gone.

- I have no idea what I'm going to do for the next two weeks either. I have a room to paint at my Aunt's, but I'm pretty sure that won't take the whole two weeks. Hopefully.

- I'm hoping to get to go to the zoo before camp starts. Jamin and I have been talking about going for over a year.

- Usually everyone leaves work at 5 except for me. I brought potato chips for just this time, but the new guy has not left yet. And does not seem to be making any preparations to do so. I feel like these are the loudest potato chips I have ever eaten.

- I was also planning to play games after everyone left. But he can see my screen from where he sits, so I feel weird, like I should be doing something productive instead (so I'm blogging, ha. I guess I think that the constant typing will deceive him into thinking it's something important. Probably not working.).

- I didn't call home for Mother's Day. I guess my stepmom was upset, because my dad e-mailed me. He said that he knew it might have been awkward (which it was, and that's why I didn't know what to do, and I haven't done anything before, so...), but the nice thing would have been to call or send a card or something. Which is true, but I honestly hadn't thought about it.

- My stepmom is graduating from WCC on Saturday. My first day of being done. Naturally graduation is at 9 AM. I will so be sleeping in on Monday.

- There are not going to be enough calls to make it worth two of us being here. Really. Go home so I can play my games and crunch my potato chips without feeling judged (I'm sure he's not, I'm just paranoid).

- Becca's family is moving to Ypsi because her dad has a new job (at Jason Verde's church, actually). I am sad for her that she is leaving her house in Kalamazoo, but Ypsi is so much closer to my home. I am secretly (well, when she told me I guess I shrieked very excitedly, so maybe not so secretly) very excited.

- Maybe it's alright that Shawn is still here. Because a phone call just went to him instead of me. Ha. :)

- Stupid crunchy chips.

- I am so excited for camp. I saw Willis Kilbourne today, and he gave me a hug, and I so want to be at camp right now. Only two and a half weeks...I can't wait.

- Jen, we need to start on the purpling dictionary ASAP. We need to have it ready for senior teen camp. No one will know to look out for eggplanting if we don't warn them about it. :)

- Shawn just got up from his desk...but not to leave. Eating potato chips as quickly as possible.

- I had big plans for Plants vs. Zombies tonight. It's cooler than it sounds. And not as yucky as zombies sometimes are.

- It's sad how long I've spent writing this, and Shawn is back, so I think it's time to be done.

- Edit: all of the calls so far have gone to Shawn except one. And when I picked up, they asked to talk to him. Ha. :)

Define: Weekend

This weekend was hard in quite a few ways.

*Notice: This is incredibly long. Just so you know.

I'm not going to go into detail about everything, because I'll just get worked up about it again, and now that I've been able to get away from things, it's a little less bad than it seemed at the time.

My stepbrother's girlfriend has been kicked out of her house, so she's staying at my house. My parents didn't want her there, but when she got kicked out, what else was there to do? She didn't have anywhere else to go, and what would they have said to Wesley? "Nope, sorry, your girlfriend has to live on the streets." I understand why my parents let her move in after talking with them about it.

Now, onto the girlfriend, Izzy, as she prefers to be called (Isabelle is the real name). She moved into my bedroom.

Sort of.

By sort of, I mean that clothes and things were strewn EVERYWHERE. I'll be honest, I am not known for being a neat-freak, but I got about three feet past the door of my room, and could go no further. It was a total mess. And then there was the smoke smell. I had a headache in 10 minutes. It bothered me that it smelled like smoke, and it bothered me that now everything of mine that's in there smells like smoke. Sure, clothes can be washed, but it's got to be in the carpet, mattress, everything. There are also some things I'm not putting into the wash, like the dress I wore as a flower girl in my aunt's wedding in third grade. My stepmom smokes, but she is very careful about the smell of it. She doesn't smoke in her car, and she never smokes in the house. I'm not sure if Izzy smoked in the room or not. I know that my stepmom wouldn't let her if she knew, but I did find a cigarette butt in there.

I was also upset to find some of my things mixed in with Izzy's. For example Izzy has a doll collection. A doll that my grandmother gave me was sitting on the desk with hers. I know that this may not have been malicious, she may not have been intending to take it, but that's still a very threatening thing. To come into your disaster area room that smells like smoke and to see that it looks like the person whose things are everywhere has gone through your things and taken out what she likes is really...well, I was mad.

I was also upset that a candleholder had been broken. I know, I know, a candleholder? Really? But it was my mom's. I know that she didn't know that, but she still should have been more careful because they weren't her things. The worst part was that she'd taken it apart, kept the base out, and then thrown away the broken pieces. I was not happy while sifting through the trash, looking for shards of glass. I don't know if I'll be able to fix it, but I was really, really upset that she had thrown away something that did not belong to her. (I know it's terrible and cliché, but she had no right. There, I said it. I'm pretending that it's less corny because it's in the parenthesis. Don't judge.)

The mouth on that girl is something else. She said things that were completely, completely inappropriate. My parents said they'd talk with her, and that they've had to do it before. It was just...yikes.

I didn't really get homework done this weekend, which was the worst part. I had a TON of stuff to do, and I didn't accomplish anything while I was at home. It's hard for me to work without a desk, and the desk in my room was covered with Izzy's stuff (I also couldn't get to it, even if it was useable). But after staying up late a few nights, I'm down to my last assignment for this week (which is due tonight, so I should probably not be blogging).

I also found out that my sister isn't talking to my dad. He sold our horses, and she way overreacted. I was sad that he sold them, but I understood why: he's the only one that takes care of them, it's expensive, no one rides them, etc. They were going through $100 of hay a week. I'm sad that they're gone, but I think he did the right thing. They should be somewhere where people will be riding them and taking care of them. My sister, though, flipped out. She is convinced that my dad sold them to the butcher (I am questioning what in her 23 years of existence on this planet made that idea pop into her head. I cannot think of anything that happened during our childhood or adult life that would have even possibly made that thought cross her mind, let alone believe it). My dad gave her the number of the man he sold them to and told her to call him if she didn't believe him. He wrote her a letter, but she's still not responding. I told my dad I would talk to her, but I'm not sure what to say. I think she's being really immature about this. It doesn't bother me if she gets mad at me over it, because I think she's wrong. She's overreacting, and she's really hurting my dad. But not caring if she's mad at me probably isn't the way I should handle it. I just don't know what she thought would happen. By the time she and Sean get settled and could take care of them, the horses would be like 30 years old! They wouldn't be rideable anymore, if they even lived that long! She can't keep them at her apartment, and there's no way they could afford to keep them at a stable. I understand that she is upset, but I think that she's taking it too far, and I don't think she really thought about the reasons behind what my dad did.

I talked with my parents about my educational plans. I am having a hard time choosing whether I should keep going to Spring Arbor (I'm at LEAST 2 years away from a communications degree), or transfer to a community college (I could probably get an associates in something in a semester). I'd rather be here, but it's a lot of money to be here. This is where all my friends are. If I transfer, I don't know how I'll actually get to classes, because at this point, I don't have a car. I also don't want to be living at home if Izzy is going to be there. I can honestly say that before last weekend, I was considering going back home, which is a thought that hasn't crossed my mind in a long time. But community college would be a lot cheaper, and I'm so close to an associate's degree.

My dad told me that if I wanted to stay here, they'd support that, but they need me to pick a program and stay with it.


I've got some decisions to make. But first, I need to finish reading the Inferno.
Ugh.

Home

I've got a whole post typed up about this weekend so far, and in particular, my stepbrother's girlfriend, but I'm not sure I should post it. We'll see.



This weekend is not going as I had envisioned it.

There's nothing like...

...being greeted with, "Oh crap," when you come home to make you feel welcome.

Define: Different

Things were different when Cara moved in with us.

I don't remember quite when it was, but after a while, I was glad to have her around. We were pretty close for a while. After I was at camp all summer and went to Spring Arbor, things weren't the same, but we were still friends. This year, she and my stepsister moved out to their own apartment in Ypsilanti.

Cara has anger issues; there are a few holes in our walls that weren't there before she moved in. My parents weren't happy, but they were just walls.

Tonight my dad told me that last night she got drunk and beat up my stepsister, trashed their apartment, started a fight with another friend, and then fought the police when they showed up. They arrested her then, and released her tonight. My stepmom told her she's not welcome at the apartment, and I'm going to assume that she's not particularly welcome at our house either. Cara's mom picked her up from jail, and it sounds like Cara will be going back to living with her.

She came to our house to get out of a bad family situation, and I don't know how things will be for her since she's going back.
Part of me is scared that I won't see her again.
I still have her Christmas present.
Would it be awkward for me to give it to her now?



Things are different again.

My Home

This place is many things
But I'd never call it home
It's just a building in a city everywhere I go
This place is many things
But I can't call it home
Home is a place you are and I just wanna let you know
That I've done a few things that I wasn't proud of
I've said a few things that hurt you
But you're still the only who fills me up
And every night spent alone was worth it
You are my home
You are my everything when I feel so alone
You are my home
You are my shelter when all my hope is gone
And I've seen many things
But they don't look like home
They're just the bright lights from a city glowing all night long
I've seen many faces
But they don't look the same
Home is a place you are and I just wanna let you know
That I've done a few things that I wasn't proud of
I've said a few things that hurt you
But you're still the only one who fills me up
And all the tears that we've shared were worth it
You are my home
You are my everything when I feel so alone
You are my home
You are my shelter when all my hope is gone
You are my home
You are my everything when I feel so alone
You are my heart
You are the one when it all comes undone