Define: Reboot

My last post was in 2013, which seems weird, but also sounds about right.  Life has gotten much busier since then, but oh so much fuller and wonderful.

Beckett, who hadn't even been born yet, is almost three!  I was thinking about that today, and I don't know if that seems like a really short time, or a really long time.  Three years doesn't sound that long, but I can't imagine life without him, either.
Beckett, at almost three, is a busy boy.  He has so. much. energy.  He was sick a few weeks ago, and I kept saying I was worried about how lethargic he was, until my mother-in-law mentioned that what I was calling extreme lethargy was just normal sick kid.
Being a big brother has really suited Beckett.  We never had any problems with him being jealous, or acting out after Jericho was born.  He says, "Aww!" or "Sweet!" in this super high pitched voice, and gives her a hug about 20 times a day.  We did worry at the beginning that he'd accidentally smother her when trying to cover her with a blanket, but she did survive.  The worry now is just being gentle in general, which he's still working on.
His words have made leaps and bounds in the last couple months, but sometimes I like it more when he doesn't quite know how to say what he means.  Whenever I say, "I love you, Beckett," he says right back, "Love you, Beckett."  I just say I'm glad he has so much self-esteem at this age.
Particular is a good word for describing Beckett.  He likes things to be done just so, and will have a nice almost-three-years-old meltdown if they aren't.  Some of the things we have done horribly wrong include: the wrong person buckling him into the car, the wrong person unbuckling him from the car, opening the fruit snacks, not opening the fruit snacks, and so on.  I don't know how we managed to get anything done without him, since everything we have ever done is wrong.

Jericho, who is almost one, is such a mama's girl.  I have always been so upset whenever Beckett wants Jamin instead of me, and this is my punishment reward.  Today while Jamin was in the shower, Beckett told me he needed to use the potty.  I set Jericho down to help him, and she screamed so loud and for so long that Jamin asked what had happened to her when he got out of the shower.  I had to reassure him that she had not been hurt.  He tried to take her from me, at which point she began to sob hysterically (she didn't even leave my arms, she just lost it when he reached for her).  It's a real love/hate relationship with the attachment.  I do enjoy feeling needed, and I love all the snuggles and spending time with her, but I really struggle to get things done.
Jericho loves Beckett.  She's been watching him for as long as she could see him, and her face lights up when she sees him.  She does, however, screech like a banshee when Beckett takes something away from her now.  For a while she just let it happen, but now she lets him (and everyone in the neighborhood) know that she's not happy.
She already says something that sounds like "bye bye" and waves when prompted, and loves to say "uh oh."  She's been pulling herself up for a while now, and is able to take steps holding onto hands (even though she looks a little drunk).  She wants to do what Beckett does so badly that I wouldn't be surprised if she gets walking down before her birthday.

Recently I've really gotten back into knitting.  As a result, I now have a yarn addiction.  My sister sent me a picture of her "huge stash" and I just laughed.  A co-worker got her daughter a loom-type thing for Christmas and I told her not to buy yarn, but to just take some of mine.  I gave her 3 plastic bags full, and I am ashamed to say it didn't really even make a dent.  Some of the yarn I pick up I'm too scared to use.  It's so pretty, and I'm afraid I'll waste it by making something terrible, so it just sits and waits while I buy more.  I vaguely remember saying I wouldn't buy any more until I used up some of my stash about a year ago.  I think Jamin knew it wouldn't happen, but he pretended to believe in me (while also letting me buy more yarn).
Between work and the kids, I don't get as much time to do it as I'd like, but I usually get in at least a couple rows a day.  It's something I've really grown to love doing, and it's a good way to wind down at the end of the day.

And that brings me to why I'm writing.  I need to take some time for myself, time to be by myself, to gather my thoughts, to remember what's going on at this busy stage of our lives, and to write it down because heaven knows that between the potty accidents, the food on the floor, the screeching, the tears, the skinned knees, the diaper changes, and the bumped heads, I need to take the time to savor the hugs, the giggles, the story times, the kisses, the snuggles, the new words, the walks, the games, the tickles, the "Love you, Beckett"s.

So...here we go.
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Define: Procrastination

I keep putting things off that I know I need to do because I feel like I have so much time to do them.  And then somehow it's the day before Erin's wedding and I haven't finished my toast.  Eek.

Another thing is getting the baby room ready.  We have slowly been making progress, and actually over the last week or two we've gotten a lot done.  Today I went and looked at cribs, and realized that I am not sure we can fit a crib and the dresser I planned on getting from my dad into the baby room.  We don't have that small of a house, but the layout is just...frustrating.  I know we'll figure it out, but at this point it seems like we are running out of time.

Last week I made chicken and gravy mashed potato bowls, not unlike the ones from KFC.  The main difference was that these ones are probably much better for you, and not anywhere near as delicious.  As I was making them I was already composing this entry, as to how they weren't really a hit, but I didn't think they would be because Jamin doesn't really like that kind of thing.  To my surprise, he did like it!  I didn't even cut up all of the chicken I cooked, anticipating that he would just want some chicken tenders.  I did some tweaking to the potatoes (I couldn't resist - I forgot about the sour cream, but added garlic and cheese), but overall this was a pretty good meal, and really easy.  This is one we'll be having again.

This week I made a peach and blackberry crisp.  I have been missing fruits and sweets so much since the diagnosis, so I've been looking for dessert recipes involving fruit.  I left the coconut and pecans out of this one (Jamin's not big on pecans, and neither of us really like coconut).  I did slightly burn the oats, so they smelled and tasted a bit like burned popcorn.  Oops.  Even with the burnt popcorn smell/taste, this was really good!  I wasn't sure Jamin would like it (I knew he definitely wouldn't without the ice cream), but he did!  At least, he said he did.  Sometimes I'm not sure if he really liked it, or if he just doesn't want to hurt my feelings (which is very nice of him, but then I really don't know how he feels about things).  I kept the leftover topping and fruit separate (fruit in the fridge), and had some again last night, and it was still good, even though it wasn't warm.  It's definitely going to be a repeat recipe.

Define: Lifestyle Change

The transition from my normal eating habits to eating well with gestational diabetes has been kind of tough for me.  I've never been one for counting carbs or anything, so learning what is good and not good to eat has been hard.  At my appointment with the diabetes doctor, he made it sound like I needed to go on insulin.  He told me that he would "give me a chance to get it under control" first.  I left not feeling so great about him.  I had four high numbers out of probably about 50, and they weren't even that high (one was 121 instead of 120).  I think you always need to give people a chance to get a complete lifestyle change under control: it's hard!  All he did was make me afraid to write down any more slightly high numbers.

I'm also having the problem of just not being able to get full!  The "meal ideas" that I was given just make me sad.  For example, one breakfast idea is two pieces of toast with peanut butter.  That's it.  I don't know if I'm the odd one out, but that is not enough breakfast for me.  The "perfect" lunch suggestion wasn't much better: half of a sandwich, a small piece of fruit, and one glass of milk.  Unless by half a sandwich they mean a Subway 6 inch, that's probably not going to cut it either.  I know that I need to eat differently than I was before, but for the last two weeks I have just been constantly hungry.  We're working on finding healthy things to fill me up, but it's hard, and I'm getting reeeeally sick of drinking pretty much only water.

Two nights ago my recipe for the week was poblano chicken bundles.  I have been looking up some diabetic recipes, and this one seemed easy (until I realized I did not own a meat mallet...now I do!).  I think if I make this again (and I probably will, my sugar numbers were good after eating it), I may leave out the pepper (and possibly the cilantro, just to try it).  It wasn't bad, I'm just not a big fan of pepper, and the pepper flavor was pretty strong.  We also thought it might be a little better with bread crumbs instead of corn meal breading, but I wondered if the recipe called for corn meal instead of bread to make it more diabetic friendly.  I'll just make it with only a little bit of bread crumbs, or maybe corn flakes?  I'm pretty sure that I've had chicken coated with corn flakes before...

Now I'm trying to convince Jamin that he should try eating like this for a week or two, if only so that when I complain that I'm hungry he'll understand that I really, really am.

Define: Scattered

This one is a little all over the place, but that's because I have been slacking on updating again.

As an update to the previous post, I went back to ACO and got the paint tweaked, and it's perfect!  It's not as dark as Jamin would have liked, but it's so much better than the band-aid pink!

Next...

Our insurance situation with the pregnancy has not been great.  None of my pre-or post-natal visits are covered, so we have been paying out of pocket.  We knew that it was going to be a lot, but that we could make it work.  However, between the ultrasound and some lab work, it has not been working out.  The ultrasound wasn't covered, but instead of sending us a bill, our OB covered it with what we had been paying them out of pocket.  This didn't seem to be a bad thing, until we realized that we still owed them the full $1,500 that they expect before delivery.  They used some of what we had already given them to cover the ultrasound, which meant we owed them that money again.

I had blood work done to check for gestational diabetes a few weeks ago, and a week later the doctor called to tell me that I needed to go back in for the three hour test.  I went back in, and a few days later I got the call that I had been diagnosed with gestational diabetes.  I was upset, but not shocked.  My grandma has diabetes and my mom had gestational diabetes.

I called my insurance to see if they would be covering any of the doctor visits and supplies to go along with this new development.  Of course they weren't.  At this point, I was really starting to stress out about how we were going to make this work.  We still had to pay almost everything to the OB, the deductible to insurance, and the co-pay at delivery.  The bills were adding up to almost $5,000 without any of the diabetes stuff.

At our next OB appointment, we also discovered that I have a negative blood type, while Jamin's is positive.  Which meant that I needed a shot.  Which was probably not covered either.  Every time we go in, I swear it's something else.

We have been working on applying for Medicaid and some programs through the hospital that help cover the bills.  We expected to have to pay another deductible through Medicaid, which wasn't ideal, but we knew that we needed any help we could get.

Yesterday, I got the notification that our Medicaid application had been processed.  We have no deductible, and full Medicaid coverage!  This was so much better than what we had been expecting!  I'm still not sure exactly what it all means, but I know that this was the best case scenario for us, and we are feeling so blessed to have gotten this financial help.  It has taken a huge load off of our shoulders.

And now, for something completely different...

My Pinterest recipes for the last three weeks!

I threw a bridal shower for my lovely friend Erin a few weeks ago, and made lemonade punch.  I garnished it with lemon slices, which made me feel so, so cool.  Really cool.  This recipe wasn't bad, but it was more of a pineapple punch than a lemonade.  If I make it again I will ease up on the pineapple juice, and add a bit more of the lemonade mix.

The next week I made brownies from scratch.  They were okay.  I ended up just throwing out the last couple because we hadn't eaten them, so I probably won't make them again.  Jamin said they were alright, but just seemed really heavy, and I agree.

The following week I made different brownies.  These were gone in two days.  They were wonderful!  When I pulled up the recipe, I was surprised at how much less ingredients there were than the ones I had made the week before.  As such, I was a little skeptical, but they were perfect.  Jamin devoured them.  The ones from the week before he had only been eating with ice cream, but these ones he loved enough to eat alone.  This is definitely the recipe I will use next time I make brownies.

Today I'm making sugar cookies.  Technically, I am not using a new recipe (the link actually says to use the dough you can buy, yeah right!), but it is a new technique.  My favorite sugar cookie recipe is too good for me to try anything else, so I'm still using that.  However, I've never put food coloring into the dough, and I always put frosting on after, so it will be interesting to see how these hold up on their own.

(I do feel that I need to add that after the diabetes diagnosis, I have been watching what I'm eating.  I only had a few bites of brownie, and the cookies are for church, not for us to eat.)

Tomorrow I'll also be making potato wedges.  When I clicked on the link, it took me to a blog instead of the actual post, so I'm just going to follow the directions from the comments on the actual pin:

Cheesy Potato Wedges... 4-6 Potatoes 1/4 c. Olive Oil Sea Salt, Pepper, your favorite Seasoning Salt 1 c. Sour Cream 1/2 c. Ranch Dressing 1/4 c. Milk 1 c. shredded Cheddar 1/2 c. shredded Mozzarella 1/2 c. Real Bacon Bits 1/4 c. Green Onions Cut potatoes into "steak fries". Place on foiled baking sheet. Drizzle with oil. Lightly toss with tongs. Sprinkle seasonings over the potatoes. Bake 400* for 40 min til fork tender.

I don't think you can really go wrong with potatoes, cheese and bacon!

Define: Failure

Our kitchen is kind of an eyesore.  It's not really that bad, but it has a lot of issues, and the colors definitely weren't helping.

When we first got the house, my dad had some red paint already, so I thought we could just use that.  It was an okay color, nothing I was in love with, but not terrible.  When we were deciding what color to paint the cabinets, I sent Jamin to the store with a swatch, and said that I wanted something at least that dark, but a warm, rich color.  The swatch was really cool toned.  I'm not sure who didn't communicate well with who, but the color that came back was exactly the swatch color.  I wasn't happy, but I'm not one to make a big deal out of those things, so we just used it.

One of the things I didn't like about the kitchen was the tile border about halfway up the wall.  I decided we could pull them off and just put a chair rail kind of thing up instead.  In October, we started pulling the tiles off, but in the process, the drywall got damaged (whoever lived here before us was seriously obsessed with caulk.  OBSESSED.).  We really meant to take the tiles down and put the chair rail right up, but another problem was an uneven wall underneath the window.  The tilers had put a piece of wood behind the tile to solve this problem, but we didn't have a piece of wood all ready to go.

So, between the damaged wall, the uneven wall, and lack of the proper tools to cut the chair rail to the right lengths, it is now April and there is still no chair rail.  And it looks bad.

Last week Jamin and I decided we would repaint.  Neither of us loved the red, and we both agreed that the kitchen was just plain ugly.

We decided on a dark blue for the bottom half of the wall, and a light brown for the top.

Now I knew, going into this, that sometimes light brown doesn't look like brown.  The light brown we used in our living room and upstairs bathroom has this purpley/pinky hue to it that I really don't like, but have gotten used to.  As we looked at light browns, I knew to be careful of this.

We picked one out, got home, and I put a little bit on the wall, only to discover that it's pretty much bandaid pink.

You know what I'm talking about.  That brown, peach, pink, fleshy colored hue.  Gross.

Jamin thought he could live with it, I wasn't sure.  Sometimes I would look at it and think, eh, it's okay.  Other times I looked at it and all I could see was pink.  After debating for a day or two, I decided to try something else.

I grabbed a sample of Benjamin Moore paint at ACO (conveniently located next to my work), and brought it home.  I loved it.  It was the creamy, ivory color I had been picturing all along (turns out I wanted more of a yellow than a brown.).  Jamin wasn't crazy about how light it was, but he pointed out that I am a bit more picky about these things than he is, so I should do what I want.

When I went back to ACO yesterday to get a can, I realized that this paint was around $60.

$60!

I couldn't handle that price tag, especially for a redo!  I tried to match the color as well as I could in another brand, and I got really close, and got a can.

Tonight I decided to get a little bit on the wall to check.  It's a bit lighter than the other color, so I wasn't truly happy with it, but I thought it would be okay.  Then I got to looking at the wall I hadn't painted yet with the bandaid pink.  I dabbed a bit of paint on that wall.  You can't even tell.

I just bought the original paint color of the wall.

UGH.

This time I ended up with a Valspar color, and I've seen all the "love your color guarantee" commercials, so I could potentially get some money back for this can, I just need to look into it and see if it's worth the hassle.  After my third color fail in the kitchen, I'm not sure if it really is, or really isn't.

Define: Phobia.

I had to get my blood drawn yesterday, and even though the nurse probably thought I was completely insane, it actually went really well.

I have this needle thing.  And by thing, I mean phobia.  I hate needles.  I hate them so, so much.  I know it doesn't hurt.  It's weird that every time it comes up, everyone's first comment is, "It doesn't even hurt."  I knoooooow.  It doesn't bother me because it hurts, it bothers me because...well, actually I'm not sure why.  But it does.  I suppose fear can't always be rationalized.

When it came time to go back yesterday and get it done, I started having a panic attack.  Jamin knew what was coming, the nurse, unfortunately, did not.

It's frustrating when the person giving you a shot/doing your IV/drawing your blood says things to calm you down like, "You're making it much worse than it is."  Honestly, has that ever worked?  As if mid-panic I'm going to stop and say, "You know, I never thought of it that way, you're right!" and be fine.  Lady, I know I'm freaking out.  Obviously, if I could get through this without that reaction, I would.

The other thing she said was, "You're going to have a baby!  This is nothing!"
Uh, was that supposed to make me feel better or worse?

But seriously, that was the best it's ever gone.  I was actually calm (I use that word loosely) enough for them to get started pretty quickly after I sat down, and I only cried for about 15 minutes after it was over.  Last time I think I just cried on and off all day.  Major improvement.

Even though I knew it wasn't bleeding and didn't need it, I did have to have Jamin switch out the cotton ball and tape for a band-aid last night.  I just wasn't ready to have to look at it yet.

Define: Determined

 I will keep up with this.

Somehow.


A few of my weekly recipes have slacked a bit...especially the monkey bread.  I cut up canned biscuits, covered them with cinnamon, sugar and butter, and stuck it in the oven.  However, it was delicious.

The next week I tried slow cooker berry cobbler.  Have I mentioned that I love crock pot recipes?  Because I do.  I really really do.  I used blueberries and blackberries instead of blueberries and raspberries (simply because I could not find raspberries at Meijer, which I thought was strange), but it was still really good.  I made it at my in-laws, and Jamin and I had a little bit before we went to my cousin's confirmation at church.  When we got back to pick up the crock pot and the dog on the way home, the rest was gone!  It was easy and definitely good, I didn't even get a second serving!

Last week was won ton cheese sticks.  I used string cheese, which was alright, but if I try it again I may try another kind of cheese.  It was kind of hard to roll it up, even after I cut the cheese in half.  I was worried that the cheese would still be cold after the outside had finished cooking (stovetop temperature control is so not my thing), but they were actually pretty warm.  Neither Jamin or I like cheese sticks after the middle has cooled off and it gets that weird rubbery texture, so we did have to make sure we ate them fairly quickly.

So even though I feel like the monkey bread was kind of a cop out, I've still made something every week.  I've already repeated the pot roast and the biscuits, so I think that this has definitely been worth it.  I like that we've added a few new meals into our rotation, and I feel like I've learned a lot about cooking.